GRIEVING IS A STRONG HUMAN NEED

  

Many people were so surprised at the outpouring of public grief that followed Queen Elizabeth’s death. She was a very public figure, nationally and internationally, and the consequent grief was very public.

 

At this point in our Canadian history we need to give some reflection about grieving. Are we doing well with the loss of our loved ones, or are we trying to shield ourselves by denying that we are suffering any pain?

 

Whenever we lose a person in our life through death there is always a part of our own life that dies. You lose your spouse through cancer. This is just like having your right arm torn off. You hurt. You are confused. Life seems to be crashing into a brick wall.

 

As a human being, you can never grieve alone. The only way to handle grief is with others, with trusted family and friends. There are no boundaries when the grief will end. This is personal journey that each person must go through. Tears and anger are part of this process.

 

There are many people who clearly direct “no funeral.” We have learnt from long experience that this is a very unhealthy plan. 

 

First, the funeral is not first of all for the person who has died. Funerals are for the living. We need a process (i.e., a ritual) to help us deal with the pain, the loss and the memories. Funerals can take many forms: religious or simply secular, organized or very casual, simple or lasting several hours. What is at issue here is that we have space to support each other and carry each other’s loss. 

 

People can be so disconnected from a faith tradition or from a living community. That they do not know what to do when their loved one dies. 

 

I experienced the value of a simple funeral some years ago. The old man who died has been the grounds keeper at one of the local golf courses. We gathered at 7:00 pm in the parish hall. His niece gave a brief but meaningful eulogy. We had some Scripture readings and prayer. Then the grandson handed each participant a little bag of grass seed (connection with his many years looking after the golf course). We had juice, coffee and cookies. It was very simple but provided everyone space to share their memories and appreciation of the man. His wife was very pleased.  In all its simplicity it was a wonderful farewell.

 

It fulfilled our need to show our appreciation of the man’s  life and to support his wife and children.

 

We need to educate people on the importance of gathering together to remember, support and give meaning and recognition to the life of the person who died. 

 

The funeral time is meant to be a letting go and a time to re-embrace our lives. As one wise writer put it so well: “The funeral is to put the departed where they need to be ,and send the living to where they need to go.”