CHURCH IS JUST LIKE FAMILY

One of the difficult things to teach in the parish community is to show how family life is what we find in our parish communities.

 

Now, everyone in a regular family knows that there are relatives that are cooperative and enjoyable to be with. And then, there are others who are more difficult but we would rather describe these hard-to-deal-with relatives as people that are an “acquired taste.”

 

In every family clan there are wonderful people, difficult people and one or two with whom you are always on guard when in their presence. But they are all family! Wise people learn how to deal with the more difficult and crusty members of our clan.

 

The Church (local parish community) is no different. We are composed of all types of personalities, histories, ethnic background and some very different levels of toleration with other people.

 

There are wounds, misunderstandings and plenty of unforgiveness. We are so human – and at times, so sinful toward each other.

 

This is why the command of Jesus to love one another means that we try to build bridges of understanding, respect and acceptance of the members that are different from ourselves. At the same time as we are trying to build bridges, these “different” members are probably trying to understand and respect you!

 

When we accept that the parish community is such a human family with so many imperfections, and not a community of perfect human beings, we can tolerate the misunderstandings and hard feelings. But like any healthy family we do not leave it there. We are trying to build new bridges towards those who are hurt, alienated or feeling pushed to the edges of he parish. 

 

Our life in the parish is being challenged by the reality of God. There are people in our parish that you may never invite into your house, but the reality is God loves and wants those people. We have to struggle with the deep love of God for the lost, forgotten and the unwanted. God is so beyond us, and always, so challenging!

 

We are also challenged to try to see in others their honest and best efforts to live authentic lives. They may be a long way from perfection but they are trying their very best. You and I may have struggles with their efforts, which we judge to be inferior, but God sees the heart. God sees that they are doing the best they can!

 

It is always a mistake for one parishioner to walk away or quit the church because they cannot accept the ‘inferior’ person. In a healthy family we do not quit because some are difficult, we learn to cope and to accept. In the parish community we learn to accept and grow in the love of God for that one difficult person or family.

 

Take some time to inform God of the good and the difficult that you experience in your parish community. And then allow God to inform you how and why he loves these people so much!

WHEN THERE IS NO RITUAL TO LIFE

 

WHEN THERE IS NO RITUAL TO LIFE         

 

 

Whenever you have two or more humans together you need some clear understanding of how we are to interact and find meaning together. We do this through rituals which are understood and accepted practices that make it possible for us to not just be together but move us into interaction, conversation and fun together.

 

As a child on the farm we would hear our Grandfather say to Grandma, “Put on the kettle,” which meant, we are going to have coffee together and some very good conversation. Most often the rituals are so much a part of our daily interactions that we move into the ritual action by habit and comfort. 

 

All parts of our lives must have rituals. It is how we make sense out of our lives and our daily actions. 

 

In the culture in which we live people are so disjointed from a faith community and a community of meaning that when they are confronted with the death of their loved one they do not know where to turn to make sense out of this tragedy (losing a loved one is always tragic). Often, they do the minimal or they do nothing.

 

Often in the obituaries you will see that the deceased has made it clear that there will be no funeral. We know from long experience that no one should ever do that! Your friends and family need to have space to share their stories, memories and pain. Grieving cannot be done alone. You need to share the loss of the loved one with supportive friends and family members.

 

At this point, be aware that a funeral or a leave-taking celebration can take many forms. It need not be religious to be meaningful. A family may say, ‘Our Father was never religious and would not care too much if there was any prayer. We are going to have a barbeque for family and friends and share stories of his life.’ This would also be a healthy leave-taking moment in the life of this particular family.

 

If there is no final leave-taking celebration (ritual space) there is such a feeling of emptiness. Does your life have so little meaning that we cannot mark your passing with meaning, memories and song?  

 

As we minister to grieving families it is important that we take them where they are.  People need help to understand that there are rituals that will help them move through death, grieving and burial. These rituals (even if understood in a very limited fashion) will help you walk through this time of suffering and grief.

 

An absolute must with every family is to sit down and share what our Christian rituals mean and how they can be helpful. It may be as limited as a simple graveside service. Even is this is a small effort  this often proves to be very meaningful to the family. 

Some years ago, we had a thirtyish year old only son who had to look after his Mother’s funeral. He did not know what to do. We sat down and worked through the Scripture readings and the prayers. From being confused he left her funeral with her ashes that he knew must be sprinkled on the Pacific Ocean because his Mother has such a fondness for the water. From confusion he was able to move into a meaningful leave-taking of his Mother.

 

We took the time to bring him into the Christian rituals. He left to return to the West Coast but he left with meaning in his Mother’s death. The ritual did work!

 

 

I WILL DO IT MY WAY

 

        

 

One of the most helpful moments of learning in my years of ministry was the situation of a young mother who wanted to get her baby “done.”

 

I explained to her that her understanding of what it means to be baptized was not the true one. She just looked at me and flatly stated: “I will make it what I want to make it!”

 

Briefly put: I will make religion what I want it to be, and on my own terms!

 

She came from a long list of traditional born Catholics, but has not been raised in the Church. What she had were the left overs of a fear ridden understanding of baptism that ‘if anything happens to your baby it will go to limbo” and you will always be a bad mother because you did not get baptism done.

 

Whenever this happens you have one clear action: one action with two meanings. Both parties involved here are doing very different things: the priest as the carrier of the official teaching, and the parents who want to get this done for their child because it is a duty, or a fear of punishment or to get grandparents off my back. 

 

In one of our baptismal preparation classes the time was given to questions. One sincere question arose, “What does baptism have to do with the Church?”

 

The lesson learnt from the above exchange is to listen to what people are actually doing. Even though they are inside the local parish church does not mean that they are in harmony with the teaching of the Church and the prayers. This is very evident when it comes to the baptism of infants and sacraments for children. Parents (often under pressure from grandparents) just want to get this done. That’s all!

 

People may have a very deficient knowledge and participation of the Christian faith. They may wear a religious label but in actual fact be functional unbelievers. They may want the sacraments for their children but have almost a zero awareness of the life and person of Jesus Christ.

 

The ministry within our parish communities are on the right track when they try to educate and develop  participation in the life of the faith community. They are teaching correctly that the sacrament is not limited to the parish church, but the sacraments are made real in the life of faith lived by the people. The sacraments lead to a commitment in faith.  Only if the people live them are the sacraments real.

 

The Christian faith is never what one individual chooses it to be, but rather it is the accepted teaching of our Catholic faith lived and integrated into the lives of individuals and faith communities. The young woman in the above story may never accept what is the authentic meaning of being baptized but that does not lessen our responsibility to teach  her of the truth. 

 

Our Christian faith is always located in the way in which we live our lives motivated by the very spirit of Jesus Christ.  Religion is not what I make of it, but rather what religion makes of me!

 

 

 

 

TELLING THE TRUTH MATTERS

                     

 

 

One of the deep crying needs of the year 2020 is to tell the truth.

 

All human beings can only function when people tell the truth. Try to imagine what life would be like if your cancer doctor did not tell you the truth? What happens if the mechanic in your local garage did not tell you the truth? 

 

Life in our families, in our schools and society would collapse if we did not tell the truth. 

 

But we live in a season where society has become so divided from one another (polarized) that it is no longer relevant to even to tell the truth. It is all about winning! ‘My side is suffering and neglected and we want to win. The truth and the facts are irrelevant.’

 

The past four years have made brought the pain of not telling the truth to the surface. With the election of Donald Trump in the USA we are shocked that so many people do not even flinch a muscle when he lies. We are out to defeat the other side; the truth be damned! 

 

When the people at the grassroots are not demanding that they truth be told, we must ask where are we headed as a society? Are we sliding into a society where it is winner take all? Will the powerful dominate?

 

Will we just take for granted that whatever we cannot accept we splash with ‘fake news’ and consign it to the dustbin of irrelevancy?

 

Reflect on the importance of telling the truth. What if the person who does your income tax does not tell you the truth about your yearly income? What if your family doctor denies the prognosis that he or she told you on your last visit? What if you doubt the unpleasant details your relatives tell you about the family? Where do you go when people do not tell you the truth?

 

The truth is not always easy to accept. There are many skeletons in everyone’s family history. The history of our Canadian society remembers that there were many injustices inflicted on our First Nations peoples, the head tax on Chinese workers and on women in society. The truth of our history often makes us weep in sorrow at the evil and harm that was done to others.

 

When you try to live with the truth be prepared to have the undertow of your bad history flow to the surface and create a storm of problems. The truth is not always pleasant or welcomed!

 

In this season when our fellow citizens can ignore the lies that our political leaders throw out to the media and the entire citizenship, we need all the more to insist on telling the truth. 

 

As individuals we have strong power. We demand of ourselves that we always tell the truth and we rightfully demand of our leaders that they speak the truth. Truth telling is not an option but like breathing, we cannot get through the day without doing a lot of it!