WHEN THERE IS NO RITUAL TO LIFE

 

WHEN THERE IS NO RITUAL TO LIFE         

 

 

Whenever you have two or more humans together you need some clear understanding of how we are to interact and find meaning together. We do this through rituals which are understood and accepted practices that make it possible for us to not just be together but move us into interaction, conversation and fun together.

 

As a child on the farm we would hear our Grandfather say to Grandma, “Put on the kettle,” which meant, we are going to have coffee together and some very good conversation. Most often the rituals are so much a part of our daily interactions that we move into the ritual action by habit and comfort. 

 

All parts of our lives must have rituals. It is how we make sense out of our lives and our daily actions. 

 

In the culture in which we live people are so disjointed from a faith community and a community of meaning that when they are confronted with the death of their loved one they do not know where to turn to make sense out of this tragedy (losing a loved one is always tragic). Often, they do the minimal or they do nothing.

 

Often in the obituaries you will see that the deceased has made it clear that there will be no funeral. We know from long experience that no one should ever do that! Your friends and family need to have space to share their stories, memories and pain. Grieving cannot be done alone. You need to share the loss of the loved one with supportive friends and family members.

 

At this point, be aware that a funeral or a leave-taking celebration can take many forms. It need not be religious to be meaningful. A family may say, ‘Our Father was never religious and would not care too much if there was any prayer. We are going to have a barbeque for family and friends and share stories of his life.’ This would also be a healthy leave-taking moment in the life of this particular family.

 

If there is no final leave-taking celebration (ritual space) there is such a feeling of emptiness. Does your life have so little meaning that we cannot mark your passing with meaning, memories and song?  

 

As we minister to grieving families it is important that we take them where they are.  People need help to understand that there are rituals that will help them move through death, grieving and burial. These rituals (even if understood in a very limited fashion) will help you walk through this time of suffering and grief.

 

An absolute must with every family is to sit down and share what our Christian rituals mean and how they can be helpful. It may be as limited as a simple graveside service. Even is this is a small effort  this often proves to be very meaningful to the family. 

Some years ago, we had a thirtyish year old only son who had to look after his Mother’s funeral. He did not know what to do. We sat down and worked through the Scripture readings and the prayers. From being confused he left her funeral with her ashes that he knew must be sprinkled on the Pacific Ocean because his Mother has such a fondness for the water. From confusion he was able to move into a meaningful leave-taking of his Mother.

 

We took the time to bring him into the Christian rituals. He left to return to the West Coast but he left with meaning in his Mother’s death. The ritual did work!