There are too many people in our churches who feel guilty when they are walking in doubt. They are convinced that to struggle and doubt makes them a bad believer. They live by unrealistic expectations that they should not doubt, be angry with God or just feel indifferent towards prayer at various times in their lives.
The authentic life of faith is just like raising your children (all nineteen years that is). There are good days and then there are prolonged struggles with them. Most days you want to run out and hug them. There are some days when you would gladly trade them in on a more compatible and less stubborn kid!
The great teachers of our faith make it very clear that there will be times when we have serious struggles with our God.
Unfortunately, our Christian imagination has not given sufficient attention to the wrestling of Jacob and the stranger (i.e., God) who get in a wrestling match all night (Gen. 30, 10-22). Where in our church buildings do we find a painting of this episode? This deficit points to our hesitation to embrace the struggles and hesitations that life with God will entail.
We want to reclaim Jacob and the wrestling match as a model for our life of faith. Wrestling is always difficult with sweating, bone crushing and there is always a winner. One man will emerge triumphant over the other. It is never pleasant and it certainly does not smell nice!
As we live our lives with God we may reach the point in old age where we seriously question the good God. How can I be so lonely with all my family and friends gone already. I am in this nursing home and can barely feed myself. I need help to go to the bathroom. Where is the good God in all this suffering?
Or we may have an eighteen year old nephew who accidently over dosed at a party. This is my sister’s only child! How could she lose such a promising young man in so foolish an accident?
Where is the good God in all our tears? What could we ever have done to deserve this terrible blow to our lives and our future?
This is where we need to live the story of the apostle Thomas and his reluctance to believe that Jesus had been raised from the dead (Jn. 20, 24-29) In his doubt and hesitation he laid down conditions for him to accept the new reality that Jesus was risen from the dead: “Unless I touch.”
When we hear this story each Easter we are hearing our own story. Thomas is each one of us. We struggle to make the leap of faith. We struggle to accept Jesus on his very word. We might go through long seasons of hesitation and at times outright unbelief, but this is our journey of faith.
As a Church of walking and wrestling believers, we are with Thomas, pleading, praying, “Lord, help my unbelief!”
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